Personally, 2019 was filled with love and adventure, family, growth, and exploration. I discovered The Men’s Fellowship Network at the end of 2018 and developed relationships with some of the members and expanded my involvement. My parents continued their wild adventures in health and aging, and my mom kept going on her own path of spiritual discovery. I got to the 3rd round of NYC Midnight’s flash fiction competition, and pitched stories to The Moth and to Risk! The Moth never responded; Risk! expressed interest and asked for a follow up, and then rejected me. Oh well! Their loss. Also in 2019, there were lots of trips, some just for Flora and me and some for the whole family. I donated platelets 19 times, and volunteered for United Way’s Day of Service and Day of Caring.
Politically and culturally, the year was a disaster. I am shocked, dismayed, and ashamed at the moral and ethical void at the center of national leadership in this country, from all 3 branches of government. We are lead by selfishness and cruelty and follow in indifference and complacency.
I don’t know how to reconcile these things. I am surrounded by love. I am surrounded by hate. I am surrounded by joy. I am surrounded by suffering.
January
I brought in 2019 with my son and Flora and her big, loving divorce family, the 9 of us watching live music, eating fried Oreos, and watching fireworks at Auditorium Shores. We discovered a new Catan, Cities and Knights, and Flora’s son dominated, just as he did at the old Catan. As much as playing, he likes graphing the scoring and finding trends and patterns. Also in January, I took my mother on a date for a birthday, with an afternoon at the theater, and we also went down and visited the Willie Nelson statue at the Austin City Limits Moody Theater. It was a love-filled way to start the year, with laughter and joy and sugar and togetherness.
The third year of the Trump presidency began with a string of resignations, a government shutdown, the Supreme Court ruling to allow the exclusion of transgendered Americans from military service, and the indictment and arrest of Roger Stone. The Health and Human Services Office of the Inspector General reported that thousands more children were separated from their parents at immigration detention centers than the thousands originally reported, even though federal courts ordered the reunification of families more than 6 months earlier. The ironically named Migrant Protection Policy went into effect, forcing asylum seekers who legally apply for protection at the U.S. border with Mexico to “remain in Mexico,” regardless of their nation of origin. This contributed to the formation of massive refugee camps with inadequate food, health, and sanitation where migrants are preyed upon through kidnapping by Mexican cartels. The standards of proof of conditions in migrants’ home countries for asylum acceptance were radically increased such that acceptance rates plummeted to 0.1%. Migrants are not informed of the standards they must meet, have no legal representation to help them meet those standards, and must try to gather that evidence from within badly serviced refugee camps.
February
Flora celebrated her sister’s wedding with her family in the Dominican Republic. I couldn’t make the trip, but I was ecstatically happy for these amazing people choosing to tie their lives together surrounded by beauty and a huge crowd of loving friends and family. We celebrated Flora’s son’s birthday, and we took him hiking at River Place Nature Trail, loving the fact that at least one of the kids was old enough to get through that hike without whining about the 2700 steps and 1700 feet elevation change. Flora and I spent Valentine’s Day together eating amazing Jamaican food. My son went to his first middle school dance.
William Barr was confirmed as Attorney General, and the President announced a state of emergency at the border that allowed him to blatantly, cynically undermine the appropriations power of Congress. Trump met with Kim Jong-Un in Hanoi, and announced a drastic increase in troop deployments, militarizing the southern border.
March
Flora and I skipped the Warrior Dash obstacle race we ran together 2 years ago, and instead went to see Atash at One-2-One Bar and then The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It was her first time, and I think she filed it away under “weird stuff white people do.” The Men’s Fellowship Network held a retreat at the Ancient Yoga Center in South Austin. It was a weekend of workshops, exercises, and meditation, getting to know the guys and practicing openness, vulnerability, and connection among men. I tried out services at Unity Church of the Hills a couple of times. It turned out not to be for me, but the community was very open and welcoming. My son and I took the train downtown to people watch during SXSW. Flora and I wandered around downtown, too, taking pictures at Austin’s murals. We went to the beautiful Paramount Theater in Austin a couple of times this month, once to see Office Space for the 20th anniversary of its release, and we watched the weird and wonderful Puddles Pity Party. We hiked to Crockett Gardens on Lake Georgetown and went bike riding with my son on Ladybird Lake, then my son and I went to Great Wolf Lodge for Spring Break, just the 2 of us. I volunteered for the Men’s Fellowship Network at the New Story Festival, and Flora and I saw Mike Doughty at 3TEN, then at a get together at a friend’s place, we wrote love letters to strangers and left them laying around in public places to be found.
Paul Manafort, Trump’s campaign chairman, was sentenced to almost 4 years in prison for bank fraud and failing to file reports of foreign bank accounts, and an additional 3 1/2 years for conspiracy against the United States and conspiracy to obstruct justice. Robert Mueller completed his report on the Trump campaign’s complicity and participation in Russian interference in the 2016 election and the Trump administration’s obstruction of justice related to the resulting investigation. Mueller submitted it to Attorney General Barr, who summarized it in a way that Mueller described as inaccurate and submitted the summary to Congress. Congress failed to produce the number of votes necessary to override Trump’s veto of the House’s resolution to override his declaration of a state of emergency at the border.
April
I was ready to run Cap10K dressed up like Forrest Gump, but it was canceled for lightning. I started to run Longhorn Run the next weekend, but I only got about a mile into it before it was also canceled for weather. That was disappointing, because I felt good and would’ve done well. Flora and I took the kids to Enchanted Rock, the first time we’d gone together. We shared Easter with the whole extended divorce family, watching the 2 youngest hunt for eggs in Flora’s backyard. Flora and I camped surrounded by scouts at Stephen F. Austin State Park and enjoyed our annual renewal of our commitment to each other. My son, in his first year in Middle School band, killed it at his solo performance and moved me to tears.
Stephen Miller, who was key in crafting the Muslim ban, which was twice rejected by the Supreme Court, the end of DACA protections, and the family separation policy at border detention centers, was put in charge of U.S. immigration policy. Later this year, emails between Miller and a Breitbart editor will detail his support of and connection to white supremacist organizations. William Barr ordered immigration judges to deny bail to asylum seekers. Barr released a redacted version of the Mueller report to Congress.
May
Flora and I had a lovely brunch with live music on the patio at a new-to-us joint on the lake with a lighthouse. We saw The Avett Brothers outside in the rain at Whitewater Amphitheater, and then drove west and camped in Seminole Canyon, with the rain fly removed from the tent and nothing but stars overhead. My son’s 6th grade band had its Spring Concert and blew us away with how much they learned and progressed in just 9 months. Flora’s son’s high school band also had their Spring Concert and showed what teenagers can accomplish with commitment, discipline, and camaraderie. Flora and I blew off the Terrain Race we thought about running, went to Bangers, went to Sawyer’s, and saw Nobody’s Girl open for The Mrs. at Stubb’s. And we had a Game Night! The next week, we were back at The Paramount for Hannah Gadsby, who pushes the boundaries of what standup comedy can aspire to.
William Barr was held in contempt of Congress. The House Ways and Means Committee subpoenaed Trump’s tax returns from the Treasury Department and IRS. Mueller resigned as Special Counsel and explained that his office did not pursue criminal charges of the president because that would defy policy, precedent, and tradition, and that it was up to Congress to impeach if it felt that his office had provided enough evidence of obstruction of justice. A 16-year-old Guatemalan boy died of the flu and pneumonia in CBP custody; CBP logs recorded 3 welfare checks on the boy during the same time that a surveillance video shows him lying unresponsive on the cement floor near a toilet with no apparent welfare checks. 12 people were killed and 4 wounded in an office shooting in Virginia Beach.
June
This month we had another Game Night, this time with the neighbors and just adults. We took the kids hiking and swimming in the creek at one of our favorite local spots that has a little waterfall with a space behind it that you can slip into and out of sight. The whole extended divorce family drove down to South Padre Island in a single minivan and spent a few days together in a gorgeous AirBnB that Flora found for us. I feel so lucky to be a part of this group, this family, this ex-husband and his wife, this ex-wife and her boyfriend, and all of our kids, talking, laughing, playing, and taking care of each other. When I tell people about it, they scratch their heads because it’s not something they’ve seen ever before. I’m grateful to be a part of it. When we got back, my son and I marched with Texas Athletics in the Juneteenth Parade in East Austin. Then he spent a week away at band camp, sleeping in the Baylor University dorms. I started to think that maybe this cool middle school band thing could last long enough to eventually turn into a high school band thing.
The White House explicitly instructed former aides not to comply with House committee subpoenas. In a happy surprise, the Supreme Court blocked the addition of a citizenship question to the 2020 Census, which would reduce response rates and result in an inaccurate representation of the population. Trump meets with Kim Jong-Un, becoming the first sitting president to enter North Korea.
July
Flora and I decided to spend one of the hottest months in Texas hiking Palo Duro Canyon and seeing what Amarillo had to show us. We took the kids lake swimming the next week at Cypress Creek Park and got to see first hand what zebra mussels look like. Then Flora and I took off to New Orleans! We used Lyft to get around town and stayed in a delightful AirBnB, eating and walking and eating and walking and holding hands and laughing. The flight back was canceled, which was exciting. I don’t think exciting was the word we were using at the time, though. Then middle school band got a jump start on fall.
Unperturbed by the Supreme Court decision on the census, the president directed the Commerce Department to compile a citizenship data file and directed other federal agencies to provide the administrative files from which to compile it. Trump tweeted that 4 members of the House of Representatives, all U.S. citizens and women of color, should “go back and help fix the totally broken and crime infested places from which they came.” The Justice Department declined to bring charges against the New York police officer accused of fatally choking Eric Garner. Trump asked Ukraine’s Zelensky to “do us a favor though,” soliciting foreign interference in a U.S. election, committing bribery, withholding approved military aid unless a corruption investigation against his political rival is publicly announced.
August
This was the month of the 3rd anniversary of our first date! We started with live music downtown with the kids, but they weren’t into it at all. Kids! The whole divorce family went to Little Mermaid at the Zilker Hillside Theater together, and Flora and I had a couple of date nights. We love Tony’s Jamaican Food, and we discovered a new pleasure in Holy Roller. August was an unusual month for my podcast, Caterpillar Goo, because I conducted 2 long interviews in a couple of days. Usually there are months between interviews! School and football season both started, and Flora and I went kayaking together. She’s not a fan of open water, but she’s always willing to push the limits of her comfort zone.
22 people were killed in a shooting at a Wal-Mart in El Paso. 9 people were killed in a shooting in an entertainment district in Dayton. 7 people were killed and 25 wounded in a random shooting spree in and around Odessa. The Trump administration established regulations to block green cards, visas, and citizenship to legal immigrants if they legally access government services like Medicaid or food stamps; they also announced a rule change allowing for indefinite incarceration of immigrant families and children. ICE detains 700 people in 7 raids in Mississippi. The U.S. dropped out of a 1987 nuclear weapons treaty, then immediately conducted a test of a ground-based missile previously banned by the treaty.
September
This month we took the whole divorce family out to our favorite swimming hole to show them the hike and the little waterfall, but it was bone dry from the drought. The kids were mad, but they recovered quickly when we took them to the neighborhood pool instead. Then it was another Game Night, with Stone Age this time instead of Catan. I baked cherry pie with my son just because, then birthday cupcakes. My oldest brother and I went to Texas vs. LSU and had a great time. We don’t get a chance to see each other that often, so it was really gratifying to talk and catch up. I went to “Me Too to We Too,” a Gender Equity and Reconciliation event at Unity Church of the Hills, then Flora and I danced to ‘80s music at The North Door.
Over $3 billion was diverted from military construction projects to be used instead to build border walls. The New York County District Attorney subpoenaed Trump’s tax returns as part of an investigation into whether false business records were filed in order to conceal Trump’s payments to Michael Cohen to pay Stormy Daniels not to reveal during the 2016 election campaign her claims of an affair with Trump. Speaker Pelosi announced an impeachment inquiry by the House of Representatives.
October
I took my son and Flora’s son to Fright Fest at Six Flags over Texas in San Antonio. It thrills me that these boys, with 3 1/2 years age difference between them, get along so well. Flora and I went to a high school football game and watched her son’s band perform their halftime spectacular, a tribute to disco. We also went camping again, this time at Canyon of the Eagles, then we saw Haiku Hands and Sofi Tukker at Stubb’s with a friend. Now that was a show, maybe my favorite of the year. So much energy! I volunteered at the Middle School District Band Auditions, hopefully helping to reduce a little bit of the stress some of those kids were feeling. We wandered around downtown and went to Holy Roller again, and then of course: Halloween!
Bernie Sanders had a heart attack and underwent emergency surgery to clear a blocked artery. There were more shootings in Brooklyn, Kansas City, Philadelphia, Texas A&M, and Long Beach. Wildfires in California started by power lines in high winds prompted Pacific Gas & Electric to consider cutting power to 800,000 customers for up to a week. President Trump issued a proclamation requiring immigrants to have health insurance; advocacy groups sued to block it as an undue burden on legal immigrants and likely to increase family separations. The Georgetown University Center for Children and Families released a report that 400,000 more children now lack health insurance than in 2016, and that the uninsured rate for all Americans went up by 1.9 million people.
November
We hadn’t run together in ages, so Flora and I ran around Lake Pflugerville. We hiked Pease Park with a friend, and later I went to see that friend get her 60 day chip, which made me reflect on my own upcoming 5-year anniversary of my last drink. While Alcoholics Anonymous wasn’t right for me, it was cool to see an AA community in action, and a very different kind of AA community than the one I visited 5 years ago. I went to Texas vs. Kansas State with my middle brother; he and I have been going to lunch, texting and talking more this year, and it’s been wonderful. He and I also went to Waco to see Texas vs. Baylor. That stadium is beautiful! And speaking of alcohol, it was so odd to see a college football stadium full of screaming fans and not see any beer. I’d forgotten what that was like since Texas started selling alcohol at their venues in 2014. I went to a Town Hall on bullying at my son’s middle school, and it was cool to learn about the programs and procedures that are in place there. It’s easy to think, looking at the complaints on parents’ groups on Facebook, that the school doesn’t care and the staff are under-equipped, but I’m not convinced that’s true. There are good people everywhere working hard, even in public middle schools. Flora and I discovered Kristen Gibbs at the Alcove in Round Rock; it’s not often you find a rock ‘n’ roll harpist lying around. Then: Thanksgiving! I ran the Turkey Trot, a 5-miler, that morning, then went to my brother’s house. His kids were home from college, and one of them was a complete surprise. Flora was in New York with her family, but after Texas vs. Texas Tech, I got to pick her up from the airport. I love picking people up at the airport.
The ACLU filed a lawsuit against The Department of Homeland Security for tracking and interrogating 5 journalists, all U.S. citizens, for their reporting on border conditions. A Senate report detailed whistleblower accounts of asylum officers frustrated by the administration’s directives to enforce policies that are “fundamentally contrary to the moral fabric of our Nation,” and the head of the asylum officers’ union called the policies “egregious” and “illegal.” Public impeachment hearings by the House Intelligence Committee began. 2 students were killed and 3 wounded in a shooting at a high school in Santa Clarita. 4 people were killed and 6 wounded in a shooting at a party in Fresno. 5 people were killed and 4 wounded in a shooting at a party in Orinda. 7 people were wounded in a shooting at a nightclub in Amarillo.
December
This was the month for Middle School and High School Band Winter Concerts. I was so proud of my son and loved seeing him in his tuxedo. It reminded me of the time my mom bought him a tuxedo for Christmas when he was 7, and he wore it everywhere: riding scooters, climbing trees, going to school. And I felt at the Winter Concert like there was some real warmth between me and my ex-wife, which is nice. We don’t relate to each other quite like Flora and her ex-husband do, but we’ve definitely grown since the rancor of our divorce. My parents and my middle brother’s family continued a renewed tradition of family get togethers at my parents’ house, which is also nice. I really enjoy family closeness, and my family’s closeness has a history of ebbing and flowing. I went to an anti-Trump protest focused on impeachment, but it was a little disappointing how few people were there, especially in this liberal town. Flora and I saw Nobody’s Girl again, this time at Saxon Pub, and I baked Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies with her daughter. We went with the kids to the 37th Street neighborhood lights, and we followed The Minor Mishap Marching Band on a funky romp around the library and the Butler Hike and Bike Trail. And of course, Christmas was a joy. Flora and I took the kids to Trail of Lights on its last night, and they didn’t whine at all about all the walking, unlike when we took them 3 years ago. On Christmas Day, we started just my son and I at our place opening presents, then went to my middle brother’s house for more family time. We ended the day at Flora’s with the whole divorce family, plus in-laws from Houston, with lots of laughter, good food, and wonderful conversation. The next day, we took the kids bike riding around the neighborhood. My son and I went back to my brother’s house a few days later for a Game Night. Then, with the kids with their other parents for New Year’s Eve, we wandered around Umlauf Sculpture Garden, Zilker Botanical Garden, and Ladybird Lake, and discovered the pleasures of Loro before going back home to her place to sit around naked (because we could) and watch goofy network television and fireworks in New York and New Orleans and Nashville and Dallas.
Impeachment charges of abuse of power and obstruction of justice were passed by the Judiciary Committee and sent to the full House of Representatives, which voted along party lines to approve the articles. Trump retweeted a post revealing the name of a person supposed to be the whistleblower in the Zelensky phone call, despite federal protections for whistleblowers. DHS cleared itself of any wrongdoing in the death from bacterial infections of 7- and 8-year-old migrants in its custody. 4 people were killed in a shooting targeted against Jews in a kosher market in Jersey City. 2 civil servants were killed in a shooting at a military base in Pearl Harbor. 11 people were wounded in a shooting on Canal Street in New Orleans. 3 people were killed and 8 wounded in a shooting at a Navy base in Pensacola. The acting Director of U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services deleted his tweet that implied a causal relationship between a stabbing suspect’s alleged crime, his father’s immigration status, and his lack of “American values.” Representative John Lewis announced he is fighting stage 4 pancreatic cancer, a new chapter in a long biography of public service, battling and bleeding for civil rights, and speaking out when others told him not to.
So, I don’t know how to end this, really. I’m not sure I know what my point is. I know that my personal goals for the last 5 years have been to strive for openness, honesty, directness, compassion, and love. I often don’t achieve those goals. But still, things are great! But things are so fucked up. I’ll end with the hopeful plea that in 2020, you will vote. And I hope that you will not vote for any candidate that cynically rejects their own professed principles or those of their political party in the pursuit of money and power, in growing and holding onto money and power at all costs. Do not buy into the idea that turning away those that are literally running for their lives can be seen in any light as the right thing to do. Do not believe that objective truth is not a real and knowable thing, or that everyone lies so there is no truth. That’s the way that government of the people, by the people, and for the people will die, when evidence is meaningless and all narratives are equal. There is truth. There is justice. And it’s our obligation to make sure they remain, or maybe become, fundamental to our national character.
